Guests for Hams a Lot
by albinotanuki
Summary: Lauren Faust gets rescued by a fan of hers. Unfortunately, it is not a Brony. Parody of Stephen King's "Misery".
1. Chapter 1

I basically wrote this story asking myself "I'm sure Lauren Faust has met up with obsessed fans, including Bronies, but what she were to encounter a fan of her work that she clearly detested?". Well, this is the answer.

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The only thing Lauren Faust could remember before blacking out was swerving her car into a tree. Everything else was blurry and he head hurt like Hell. She opened her eyes to find herself in a room filled with "Quest for Camelot" merchandise. There were posters, toys, a toilet seat; everything you could think of, it was all "Quest for Camelot" themed. Lauren then looked in front of her to see a girl seemingly in her late teens to early twenties looking back at her.

"Hi! I'm Chelsea! I'm your biggest fan!"

Lauren was startled and almost jumped out from her bed, but a sharp pain in her leg prevented her from doing so.

"Don't try getting up. You broke your leg when you hit that tree, but I mended it for you."

Lauren looked at her leg that was crudely put together with makeshift splints.

"Couldn't you have taken me to a hospital?" asked Lauren.

"Unfortunately, the snow has blocked all the roads, but fortunately, you get to stay with one of your biggest fans."

The girl squeed as she wrapped her arms around Lauren Faust.

"I can't believe I'm helping to take care of one of the animators to my most favorite movie of all time! I saw 'Quest for Camelot' when I was a little girl and I loved it ever since."

"Oh joy." Lauren thought to herself.

It was no secret to many who follow her that Ms. Faust not only worked on the movie, but hated both the film and the experience she went through when making it. Lauren had never come face to face with an actual fan of the movie before, let alone one who was this obsessed with the film. She could handle an obsessed Brony, but had no idea how to react to a fan of "Quest for Camelot".

"Say, lets a watch a movie together." Chelsea chirp.

"Would that movie happen to rhyme with 'Guests for Hams a Lot'?" asked Lauren Faust sarcastically?

"Quest for Camelot!" Chelsea cheered as she held the DVD up to Lauren's face.

Chelsea grabbed the TV, facing it towards Lauren's direction, placed the DVD into the player, and sat next to Lauren as the movie started to play. This would prove to be a long eighty-six minutes for the poor Faust.

Lauren watched unenthusiastically as her fan smiled at every scene in the film.

"Kayley is such a strong heroine." Said Chelsea, "I wish I was like her."

"She's just Belle from 'Beauty and the Beast' in tights." Said Lauren Faust, "There's nothing strong about her character at all. In fact, whenever she gets in danger, she always has to be rescued by her blind boyfriend."

"Speaking of which, Garrett is my favorite character in this movie." Swooned Chelsea, "I wish he was real so I can marry him."

"He's just the blind human version of the Beast from 'Beauty and the Beast'. Plus, he's a total self absorbent douchebag that always mopes about his handicap and his singing voice is a Country Western singer who sounds nothing like Cary Elwes."

Apparently Chelsea didn't listen to a word Lauren was saying as the movie continued.

"So Lauren, what was it like to work on the movie?" asked Chelsea in enthusiastic curiosity.

"Well, originally, the movie was going to be a faithful adaptation of 'The King's Damsel' by Vera Chapman." Said Lauren, "It was suppose to be dark, adult themed, and much more faithful to Arthurian Legend. Then corporate executives at Warner Bros. wanted to compete with Disney, so they came in and butchered most of our work, making this film the Disney rip-off schlock-fest it is today. To this day, I try to forget that I worked on that god-awful movie."

"…Oh, you're funny." Chelsea laughed as she threw her arms around Lauren Faust.

Lauren groaned in agony. She was coming to hate nostalgia. Even if nostalgia was what had her bring back "My Little Pony" to a new generation of little girls and become popular with the male Millenial demographic, but this girl's nostalgia for a movie she detested working on was getting at her nerves. She hoped this Hell wouldn't last too long.

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So that's apparently gonna be the first chapter. Please R&R.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2. This is where it gets darker.

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The movie was about to come to a finish as the axe-beaked chicken, Bladebeak, appeared on the screen.

"And remember kids, if someone tries to touch you in a place that makes you feel uncomfortable, get out of there and tell a grownup. Good bye, kids."

"Good bye, Bladebeak!" Chelsea waved back at the screen before turning to Lauren Faust. "Wasn't that a great movie?"

"It helped remind me why I hate movie executives." Said Lauren.

Chelsea then stretched out from the bed.

"Well, I'm gonna go check my e-mail. I'll be around if you need me."

As Chelsea left, Lauren tried laying down on her pillow.

"Frankly, we're the reason cousins shouldn't marry."

Lauren was startled, reached behind her back, and pulled out a talking Devon and Cornwall plushie. Lauren couldn't help but sigh from the fact that her fan's obsession with that movie was getting on her nerves.

Suddenly, Chelsea barged back into the room.

"You DIIRTY BIRDIE!"

Chelsea grabbed Lauren's shirt and yelled at her.

"YOU SAID BAD THINGS ABOUT 'QUEST FOR CAMELOT' ON THE INTERNET!"

"Well don't blame me for the movie sucking; it was the executive producers who wanted to turn 'The King's Damsel" into a post-Disney Renaissance money grab."

Lauren realized she probably shouldn't have said anything as Chelsea got out a 2x4 and a sledge hammer.

"Look, Chelsea, I'm very flattered that you're a fan of the work I've done, but please don't take this out on me."

Chelsea placed the block of wood between Lauren's ankles. She swung hard, breaking the bones in her foot and then the other. Having a broken leg hurt, but having your feet smashed in was the worst pain Lauren ever felt. Chelsea then threw a laptop on Lauren's lap.

"Now get on your Deviantart page and say you're sorry for what you said and that 'Quest for Camelot' is the best movie ever!"

As Chelsea left the room, Ms. Faust couldn't help but cry from the pain in her legs and the terror she had experienced. Of all the fans she had to encounter, why did this one have to be such a psychopath?

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Anyways, Please R&R.


	3. Chapter 3

Okay, this is gonna be the last chapter to this short story. Most of it is kind of a "review" of "Quest for Camelot".

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Lauren Faust started typing her blog on her Deviant page.

"Dear Fans,

I have not been completely honest with you on my experience with 'Quest for Camelot'. The truth is that the way the movie was made had been completely intentional from the beginning and there was no corporate meddling behind the scenes. I actually had a wonderful experience working on the film and loved every minute we put our efforts on it.

People will complain that the story is not canon to Arthurian Legend or has very little to do with it. Well we wanted to make our own story and just have fun with it.

I think Kayley is the greatest heroine in animated cinema ever. She totally doesn't look or act like Belle from 'Beauty and the Beast'; she's her own original character. She definitely deserved to be a knight the way she fought off those bad guys. If I had it my way, I would totally include her as a 'mane' character in MLP.

Ruber has to be one of the most badass villains we've ever created. He's also one of the most complex. In a deleted scene, it is explained that Ruber was made fun of as a child due to his microcephaly, which explains why he went crazy and try to kill King Arthur and take over as the new king. Some may say capturing Lady Juliana to take his army of mecha-soldiers to the king in wagons was a lame idea as opposed to riding his gryphon over to Camelot and having his army storm in then, but considering his microcephaly, that was the most brilliant idea he had (seriously, look at his head).

Garrett is also a great character. The fact that he's blind makes him the most complex of the characters in QfC. Having such a horrible life living with his disability is heartbreaking to watch and deserves an Oscar. His singing voice is like an angel and Bryan White's voice totally meshes with Cary Elwes'.

The comic relief is also great. Eric Idle and Don Rickles both make a perfect duo of comedy much like other great duos like Abbot and Costello or Beavis and Butthead. Jaleel White is also hilarious as Bladebeak; the concept alone of an axe-beaked chicken is outrageously funny.

Then there's the music. My God the music is wonderful, especially 'The Prayer'. Everyone loves 'The Prayer', that's why its always played at concerts and tv talent shows everywhere. It TOTALLY deserved the Golden Globe. The scene it was in totally fit the situation happening on screen. Who else when listening to the song doesn't think of girl being chased by a mecha-soldier and an axed-beak chicken riding boars. Its like how everyone envisions Gounod's 'Ave Maria' to the scene in 'Monty Python's The Meaning of Life' when Mister Gross' stomach explodes after eating a wafer thin mint.

I'm glad to have put all my time and effort into animating this movie. It's a classic.

Yours truly,

Lauren Faust"

Chelsea came over to approve the letter. As she was reading, Lauren grabbed a "Quest for Camelot" themed lamp and threw it at her head. Lauren then hopped out from her bed and started strangling Chelsea.

"I hated that movie." She said with her hands around Chelsea's neck, "Hated, hated, hated, hated, hated that movie. Hated it. Hated every simpering stupid vacant audience-insulting moment of it. Hated the sensibility that thought anyone would like it. Hated the implied insult to the audience by its belief that anyone would be entertained by it."

Lauren was telling the truth. Chelsea turned blue and was out. Lauren sighed in relief as she crawled out to her escape.

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So what do you think? Please R&R.


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